It’s been a crazy start to 2019. Between pinkeye, polar vortexes, jury duty, record snowfall, and strep throat, there just hasn’t been much time to think. Which is why, in the midst of some post jury duty anxiety and the onset of strep, it dawned on me that I never heard back about the local trail race I signed up for. Or thought I had signed up for. In the midwest, the ultra trail races are few and far between. I’m not entirely sure why – we seem to have a plethora of both trails and trail runners. To any extent, the local ultra I was hoping to run this fall is on a lottery system due to high demand. A lottery that apparently I didn’t win this year.

As an academic and scientist, rejection is something I deal with on an almost daily basis. Papers rejected, grants rejected, job rejections. At this point I usually can take the rejection in stride. But getting rejected from running hit me harder than I would have expected. Yes, I realize that running didn’t reject me. And, as someone with a degree in natural resources, I fully understand (and am supportive of) the use of a lottery to minimize trail impacts. But still, panickly scanning the list of particpants and not finding my name felt like a particularly low blow, even for the start of a shaky year. I ended up on my knees with diappointment, inhaling deep, lamaze-style breaths in attempt to offset my oncoming panic attack. In. You are being dramatic. Out. This is not a big deal. In. This is fine. Out. You are fine. In.

A week past the initial letdown and everything is fine. Disapointment, like loss, eases over time. And, in the light of day, I realized what a minor setback this is. Sure, I had meticulously planned out almost every weekend from now until race day (hey-we have a busy spring and summer ahead!). And yes, running a local race is logistically easier at this point in my life when I’m also juggling young kids. But if there’s one thing I enjoy, it’s making a plan. So, back to the drawing board (otherwise known as UltraSignup) and to the calendar. And now that the plauges that keep descending on our household seem to have lifted (at least momentarily), I can finally strap on my shoes and do what I always do – put one foot in front of the other.

I admit, I didn’t set aside enough time for writing today. Tuesday’s are my painting days and between work, running, dinner, and art class, there simply isn’t much time left for much else. As I’m writing this, my eyes are closing and I can feel my brain shutting down neurological pathways in preparation for sleep. So instead I just want to remind myself of a special moment today that I hope stays etched in my brain for the remainder of my years. My two girls, sitting side by side, banging merrily on my grandfather’s old piano that’s now found a place in the home that my grandparents posthumously helped me purchase. As the girls laughed at the slightly off-key notes, I was jolted back to childhood, to a moment where I felt safe and secure and loved. These seem to be fleeting sensations in the world we’re currently living in, but I promise to my children to love them as fiercely as possible.

I received a comment this morning about how to set goals. I must admit, I’ve become much better about setting and achieving goals in the past couple of years, so I’m happy to share any tips that might help other folks.

1. The first key is setting an achievable goal. For instance, I have the goal of one day running the Boston Marathon. It’s a lofty goal for me (I’m not that fast of a runner), but one I know I can accomplish if I put in enough time and effort. Qualifying for something like the Olympics, on the other hand, will never, ever happen. I’m not saying you shouldn’t set the bar high, or to have dreams. In order to not live a life of constant disappointment, however, I suggest reining in your imagination. I believe it was Dumbledore who said “it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live” (or something to that effect).
2. The second step is breaking your goal into smaller, more tangible chunks. When I first started writing my dissertation, I would write down “write dissertation” on my to-do list. This never got crossed-off of the to-do list (well, I suppose it did one day), since the task was much too broad and lofty. Now when I start something, I set much smaller, more manageable tasks. For the art class I’m currently taking, my goal is to attend the 5 classes I paid for, not to create a beautiful piece of art that I can hang on my walls (which, after 3 classes, I can definitely say will NOT be happening!).
3. The last rule I’m learning to follow is to not get too beat up about missing a goal or a target. This is easier said than done, but I’ve found is absolutely essential for my mental health. There are multiple reasons I set goals, especially when it comes to my personal time. I want to push myself, to learn new things, to keep life interesting. What I don’t want, however, is to add more stress and anxiety in my life. Daily life provides enough of that for me. Some flexibility and understanding is essential. So if you miss a mark, either change the timeline or the goal, accept that life never works according to plan, and move on.

I hope some of these tips help you with your own work or personal goal setting. Feel free to share some of your goals or tips in the comments!

I am a person who thrives on goal-setting. Between my house and my office, I have no less than three white boards where I have “tasks”, “goals”, or “to-do’s” listed in an orderly (and often color-coded) fashion. For instance, I can tell you that my summer life (i.e., not work) to-do list included camping, visiting a nearby state park, running, daily meditation, and writing. For the two people in the universe who might subscribe to this blog, you might already know that the writing goal didn’t exactly get done this summer (the others, however, I did manage to accomplish, so I still consider the summer a success!).

I’ve been harboring dreams of writing a novel for years. I’ve kept journals and books full of poetry for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I open up a book or a sketch pad to find lines and lines of poetry or thoughts scribbled among the pages. As I moved towards a career in the sciences, my creative writing has gone by the wayside. I think part of this has to do with the fact that I write a lot during the day. I set aside at least 30 minutes of each day to write. This type of writing, however, is incredibly bland and is very factual. As a result, I feel absolutely ridiculous when I incorporate even basic adjectives into my writing (what a waste of space!). At the same time, I’m incredibly proud of my scientific writing-I’ve developed into a solid, succinct writer all thanks to tremendous amount of practice. This is true of most things I’m good at today. They’ve all taken countless hours of work, sweat, and more tears than I really care to admit.

So, here is my very wordy commitment to try to practice my creative writing during the month of October. It’s a pledge to write something every day; to use language that makes my readers feel some connection to me or my story; to not be too embarrassed to write what I’m feeling. I don’t know how it will go, or even if I’ll enjoy the process. But hopefully by the end of the month I’ll be able to put a nice fat line through that summer (fall?!?) goal!